Loving Father
by Sweetdeath04 and Thorney
Summary: What would have happened if Dracula had succeed? What would happen if his brides and ALL his children had survived? How would Dracula Cope when his brides spontaneously leave the country? We can tell you: not very well.
1. Blood Biscuits and Fleeing Brides

Disclaimer: We are broke and we are making no money. Van Helsing is property Universal Studios. All Teams, players and Euro 2004 belong to UEFA. Depressing isn't it?  
  
Blood Biscuits and fleeing brides.  
  
"What do you mean you're going on holiday?!!"  
  
Verona stared at her husband.  
  
"I mean what I say," she replied, "Aleera, Marishka and I need a break from the trials of mother hood."  
  
Dracula had gone paler than was natural for a vampire, "you're leaving me alone with....." he gulped, "THEM!!!!!" he pointed at the mini vampires that were struggling to stand around them and clinging to his cloak to stay upright. The children that had managed to stand on two feet were practicing changing from their human form to their vampire shape.  
  
"Papa! Papa!" Vladislaus junior 1342 gurgled, "we want blood biscuits!"  
  
The others screamed in agreement. Dracula looked up from the floor and his child to his bride with an expression on his face that would have made Igor look like a first prize beauty pageant queen.  
  
"Them," he repeated venom in almost every inch of his voice. The part that wasn't venom was shear terror.  
  
"Honestly Vladislaus! They're only children! Besides you said it was really boring since you killed that Van Helsing and the Valerious family!"  
  
"Yeah, but my idea of excitement isn't changing their nappies!"  
  
Aleera appeared from a side door and, picking up one of the toddlers, said,  
  
"Honestly! You're the one who wanted so many children!"  
  
"Yes! But I expected you to be looking after them!" He said with an innocently casual voice. "You know! It's woman's work."  
  
He instantly realized he had gone too far when Marishka dropped down behind him and circled to join her fellow Brides.  
  
"What did you say?" she whispered in a deadly calm voice. It was then that Dracula realized that he was backed into a corner with no escape from his blood-thirsty Brides. That what scared him the most though, was the expression on all their faces. It was surprisingly similar to the one he wore only moments before.  
  
"You may control our minds, bodies and souls, but you cannot stop us from going to EURO 2004!!!" spat Aleera.  
  
Suddenly, all three of them produced little flags. (Vladislaus never did figure out where they came from.)  
  
"Come on Portugal!" screamed Aleera, jumping up and down waving a red and green flag.  
  
"No way!" Yelled Marishka. "Czech Republic are gonna' wipe the floor with you!"  
  
Verona shook her head sadly. "Sorry to disappoint you, but you're all wrong. England is going to kill you all." She sighed. "They have David Beckham. They can't possibly lose! He's sooo gorgeous!"  
  
"I'm standing right here you know!" yelled Dracula, his brides ignored him, but responded violently when he said, "When did you get interested in football anyway? I bet you can't even explain the offside rule!!!"  
  
"There must be at least one defender between you and the goal keeper at the time when the ball is played." they said in perfect unison, ganging up on him again, fists clenched.  
  
Vladislaus gulped again then said, "Well I'm not interested in football so I wouldn't know if you're right or not."  
  
"Well we are going! There's nothing you can do about that!" Marishka said pompously sticking her nose in the air.  
  
At this point he looked down at his kids......yes they were all sporting flags, all the Verona's were waving the Saint George's Cross, the Aleera's had the flag of Portugal and all the Czech Republic flags were being held by Marishka's children.  
  
"Time to go," Verona said, "see you in a months time! Bye Vlady baby!"  
  
"Bye kids!" the three Brides chorused.  
  
Before he had a chance to catch them, their luggage was in a taxi as were they. Desperately he ran after the car screaming, "Verona, sweetheart! How do you use a microwave?!"  
  
A.N First Non LOTR fan fic! Hope you guys enjoy it as much as you enjoyed The ten commandments and What would happen if Aragorn got a car! By the way we already know that England are out of Euro 2004 (SOB) but don't tell Verona! Thorney & Sweetdeath04 


	2. Vladislaus Junior 13

Disclaimer: We are broke and we are making no money. Van Helsing is property Universal Studios. All Teams, players and Euro 2004 belong to UEFA. Depressing isn't it?  
  
Vladislaus Junior 13  
  
"Ok....Ok...Ok.......don't panic.....don't panic!"  
  
Dracula was panicking. Already his children were demanding food and asking 'where's mummy dada?'  
  
So he ran as fast as he could to the library. He quickly bolted the door behind him.  
  
"What's up Vlady?"  
  
Dracula spun around and groaned when he saw his teenage son Vladislaus Junior 13. That one had always been a disappointment. Not what he wanted in a son at all. The young vampire was obsessed with reading. He was the winner of his school science fair. A SCIENCE FAIR! When he could have been out sucking blood but no! He was developing his Volcano project! A in every subject! Nothing like his father. And the thick glasses his son wore, were in no way an improvement, neither was the blond hair.  
  
Recovering Dracula said, "Do not call me that! Call me master or father!"  
  
"What ever you say Vlady!" said Junior 13, grinning and showing his pointed teeth.  
  
Dracula groaned again and said, "Well, you're mother is-" he sighed, "on holiday... to see Euro 2004!"  
  
"I know! She told me six weeks ago!" With that he produced a Portugal flag.  
  
Dracula closed his eyes and grimaced. "Anyway," he continued, "She is going to be away all month so that means I will be attending your," he grimaced again, "Parents Evening."  
  
This time it was Vladislaus Junior 13th's turn to be terrified, "You what!?"  
  
"You heard me! When is it again?"  
  
"Well..............it started ten minutes ago."  
  
"WHAT!!"  
  
With that, Dracula grabbed his son and flew out of the open window into the night.  
  
"Well Mr Dracula, Vladislaus...um.....Junior 13 has been doing exceptionally well in our class. We are considering moving him up a year, what do you think?  
  
"Um yeah...Whatever..."  
  
"Mr Dracula........we do need a little more cooperation from you. We are thinking of your Child's well fair."  
  
"Don't care, have plenty of other children, to many as a matter of fact......I was thinking of bunking a few of them off."  
  
"MR DRACULA!!!" the teacher was shocked, "How could you say such a thing!"  
  
"Easily. You're the teacher, you tell me!"  
  
"NEXT!!!"  
  
"Well that went well," Dracula said when they arrived back at Castle Dracula.  
  
"Couldn't have gone better!" Vladislaus Junior was looking ashen face at his father and all the mini Vampires were whispering, "I hope he never comes to my parents evening!"  
  
"I'm going to bed!" mumbled Vladislaus Junior 13.  
  
"Very well," said Dracula, "See you in the evening."  
  
A.N We know it's a short chapter but we just needed to introduce a certain young vampire. Sweetdeath04 & Thorney 


	3. Anger Management

Disclaimer: We are broke and we are making no money. Van Helsing is property Universal Studios. All Teams, players and Euro 2004 belong to UEFA. Depressing isn't it?  
  
Anger Management  
  
Dracula was going to his coffin for a good days sleep. But when he reached it, he found it covered in graffiti. There was a moustache, devils horns and thick, Vladislaus 13 style, glasses painted on the glass and thousands of signatures and doodles were drawn everywhere. The mini vampires had painted football flags on the lid, so Dracula had no escape from the never ending day mare.  
  
"Calm..." he whispered to himself, "Remember what your anger management Therapist told you.......count to ten...to ten.....nine....eight....seven....AHHHHHHHHHHH!!"  
  
"Well you got to seven! A new personal record."  
  
Vladislaus Junior 1 dropped down from the stone ceiling and landed in front of his father. He unlike Vladislaus 13 had jet black hair which was spiked up with gel and a great deal of care had gone into it. He was also everything Vladislaus 13 wasn't. The perfect model son. He would have been extremely good looking if he hadn't been the living dead.  
  
"Ahhh," said Dracula in a forced calm voice, "My First born......at least you have some sort of evil future ahead of you. At least you are not obsessed with Euro 2004!"  
  
"Go Portugal!" cried the young vampire, producing a Portuguese flag from under his cloak.  
  
Dracula's eyes widened and his son's wicked grin grew.  
  
"Just kidding!"  
  
"Ten...nine...eight...seven...six...Grrrrrrr!"  
  
"Better, but next time try singing a nursery rhyme. It works for me when Vladislaus 13 is being difficult."  
  
"Leave me son, go to your coffin!"  
  
"All right! By the way," he said as he reached the door of the chamber, "I told them not to graffiti your coffin."  
  
"Twinkle Twinkle, little star, how I wonder what you are........Up.....above....the...wor...world.....so...AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"Very well," said Dracula's therapist. "But before we start that again, I want you to take a trip back to your childhood!"  
  
Dracula sighed. He was lying on a red couch in his therapist's office. Anger management seemed more and more like a chore each week than a helpful session. But the worst of it was, he had to pay!  
  
"Ok! You want to know about my childhood? Born, 1432, murdered, 1462, made a deal with the devil, became a vampire."  
  
"Is that it?"  
  
"In a nutshell, yes!"  
  
"I don't believe that is it, Vladislaus!" said the therapist with a beady look in his eyes.  
  
"Call... me... Dracula!!!"  
  
"Just tell me already, or you might drive ME to take anger management classes myself!"  
  
"Alright.....................I WAS A FREAK!!!"  
  
"A WHAT? Now we're getting somewhere!"  
  
"A FREAK, A LOSER! A......," He covered his eyes with his hands, "GEEK! A complete and utter science geek!"  
  
"So......not unlike your son, Vladislaus Junior 13, is it?"  
  
"DON'T COMPARE ME WITH HIM!!! At least I'm not blond........anymore."  
  
"Oh dear goodness!"  
  
"Alright! I permanently died my hair when I became a vampire."  
  
The physiatrist looked horrified and all together freaked out. He managed to continue, "Please go on Count. What made you become what you are tonight? "  
  
"GABRIEL VAN HELSING!!"  
  
"Really?" Spluttered the physiatrist. "Continue."  
  
"He.......was never particularly nice to me....when we first met anyway."  
  
"Ahhh, a bully! Yes, that is very common......it does cause dramatic changes in some people lives.....and in this case dramatic changes in the after life. I think you should consider going to Father-Son classes with Vladislaus 13. I will give you an address of a good society I know of. You may find that you are more similar....."  
  
"Do not use the words you, Vladislaus 13 and similar in the same sentence!"  
  
"Actually, I never did," smiled the Therapist, "Now let's try the song again, and one, two, three..."  
  
"Twinkle, Twinkle little star, how...I.....AHHHHHHH!"  
  
A.N This is considerably weirder than our other two fics! Give us a little freedom it is our first Van Helsing one! Stay tuned for the next exiting, crazy and totally off the wall episode! Thorney & Sweetdeath04 


	4. Like Father, like Son

Disclaimer: We are broke and we are making no money. Van Helsing is property Universal Studios. All Teams, players and Euro 2004 belong to UEFA. Depressing isn't it? Don't own The Italian Job either.   
  
Like Father, Like Son  
  
When Dracula returned from his Anger Management session, he was trembling. His therapist had booked him in for Father and Son communication classes. He deeply wished that he could have chosen which son to take, for he would have chosen Vladislaus 1, but no! He was stuck with Vladislaus 13, naturally.   
  
He decided to retreat to his coffin for the day, and he would tell his son in the evening. That day, his dreams were haunted by physiatrists' couches and Portugal flags.  
  
"THERE IS NO WAY IN THIS LIFETIME, OR ANY OTHER, THAT I AM GOING TO FATHER AND SON BONDING CLASSES WITH……WITH YOU!!!" Vladislaus 13 screamed at his father.  
  
As if his parents evening hadn't been bad enough! Now he had been booked into bonding classes with his freaked out, insecure, neurotic and emotional crack-pot of a father!   
  
"Twinkle Twinkle little star-"  
  
"What are you doing?"  
  
"How I wonder…what you… ar…ar…   
  
AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!"  
  
"Vlad, are you singing 'Twinkle Twinkle Little Star', or is it just me?"  
  
Dracula reached for his son to hurt him in anyway possible, but thought better of it. It might be better to just let him suffer with the Bonding Classes. Only problem with that plan was, Dracula would have to suffer too.   
  
"I can handle this," he breathed. "And you're coming to these classes because I say you are!"  
  
"Over my dead body!"  
  
"You're already dead!" exclaimed Dracula at his son.  
  
"Well, you don't have to rub it in!"  
  
Vladislaus growled.   
  
"This is what we doooo at Father and Son Bonding Classessss!"  
  
The instructor had a very flowy and overall CLAM voice that was driving Dracula insane.  
  
"Weee, talk about our past, future and…our relationship."  
  
She turned to face Dracula and his son, and found both of them wearing the same expression that Dracula had given his Brides before they had left.   
  
Well, she thought, they are defiantly Father and Son.   
  
"I refuse to speak to him!" Dracula shrieked. "I've spent fifteen years of his death not talking to him, and I don't intend to start now!"  
  
"You were speaking to me when you told me that I had to come to this Devil forsaken place."  
  
"I prefer to think that I ordered you to come!"  
  
"You were still talking to me, or was that your identical twin?" he said, sarcasm layering his voice.  
  
"Ba ba black sheep have you any wool?  
  
Yes sir, yes sir three bags fuuulllllAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!"  
  
"FuuulllllAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!"  
  
"What was that for?" asked Dracula, livid.  
  
"What was that for?" repeated his son, grinning.  
  
"Don't do that!" warned Dracula, tone menacing.  
  
"Don't do that!" The tone of voice was exactly the same, but the facial expression differed entirely.  
  
"This is childish!" screamed Dracula.  
  
"This is childish!"  
  
A though came to Dracula, but he was a fool to try and outwit his genius of a son.  
  
"I'M AN IDIOT!!!" he cried.  
  
"Finally, you've accepted the truth! This is a major breakthrough!"  
  
"………AAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"  
  
After the slight uproar, the instructor decided that this was a good way to end the lesson, and her career.  
  
"Okkkkk," she said calmly, although she was trembling internally, "I think that is a good way to end this weeks lesson. On our next night together-" she stopped as she realized that Dracula and Vladislaus 13 had already scarpered from the room.  
  
She sighed. It was time to hand in her resignation.   
  
A.N. We send our condolences to anyone who was supporting Portugal in Euro 2004 as we were. SOB!!! BOO WHO!!! And our (teeth clenched) congratulations, to Greece. GRRRRRRRR! (Pleasant voice) next chapter up soon! Keep reading!  
  
Sweetdeath04 & Thorney 


	5. The Lady's Man

Disclaimer: We are broke and we are making no money. Van Helsing is property Universal Studios. All Teams, players and Euro 2004 belong to UEFA. Depressing isn't it?  
  
The Lady's Man  
  
Evening came again and Dracula heaved himself out of his coffin to start another night.  
  
As he was making his way to the door to hunt for breakfast, a young vampire passed him.  
  
"Evenin' Vlady!" said the vampire in an overly cheerful voice.  
  
"Mhuughagh," grunted Dracula. His eyes widened as he did a quick double take. Pulling his son back by his shoulder, he stared at him.  
  
It was Vladislaus 1, except with, well, blond hair! Then he realised who it was.  
  
It was Vladislaus 13!  
  
The dinner plate size glasses were gone, leaving him nothing short of identical to his brother, apart from the hair colour.  
  
"Wha... Sinc... Whe... Huh...?" said Dracula, stumbling over his words as he had not got over the shock of his least favorite son looking so similar to his favorite.  
  
"Ever heard of contacts, Vlady?"  
  
"Wha..?"  
  
"If that's all you've got to say, I'm afraid I can't stand here listening to you, for I have a very pressing engagement I must attend to." With that he left, leaving a very confused and befuddled Dracula.  
  
"What? Why is he so happy?" Dracula asked no one in particular, "He's not allowed to be so happy!"  
  
"Father!" A voice behind Dracula made him jump, startled.  
  
"Oh, Vladislaus 1, my son. What troubles you?"  
  
"It's what troubles you I'm talking about." Vladislaus 1 said, a scowl across his face. "One name, then I'll leave you to figure it out for yourself."  
  
"Yes!" Dracula pressed on.  
  
"Alexia Goodheart." Saying no more, Vladislaus 1 took off to feed.  
  
"Alexia Goodheart.......Alexia Goodheart........Alexia-"  
  
"Still haven't figured it out yet?" Vlaislaus 1 said when he had returned from feeding.  
  
"Alexia, Alexia. Isn't that a girls name,"  
  
"You're getting somewhere....ok you need some more help don't you?"  
  
Dracula bowed his head and nodded, "Yes," he muttered.  
  
"Alright, come with me."  
  
Vladislaus 1 led his father to the other side of the castle to where Vladislaus 13's coffin was situated. Dracula glanced around the room. The half finished science project was on a table in the corner and the bookcase was so full that the shelves were collapsing.  
  
Vladislaus 1 heaved off the lid of the coffin and sighed in relief to find it was empty.  
  
All over the inside walls of the coffin were phrases and words like, 'Vladislaus 13 and Alexia forever' and 'The Vlad Man loves Alexia".  
  
Vladislaus 1 reached underneath the pillow and produced a photo of his younger brother (without his glasses) and a very pretty vampiress with red hair and huge blue eyes. Vladislaus 13 had his arms around the girl's waist and both were grinning like maniacs.  
  
Dracula still looked confused.  
  
"You still haven't got it have you?"  
  
"She's his......" Dracula paused for a moment to think, "Science partner?"  
  
Vladislaus 1 stared blankly at his dad, "I am so glad I got my mother's brains," then he suddenly burst out, "SHE'S HIS GIRLFRIEND!!!"  
  
Dracula stood there for a minute trying to take it in, then, he burst into fits of laughter, "You know," he gasped, "I could have sworn you just said she was his girlfriend!"  
  
"I did say that."  
  
Dracula stopped laughing at once, "You're not kidding are you?" he said slowly.  
  
Vladislaus 1 smirked and shook his head, but before Dracula could explode, the smirk vanished and he held a finger to his lips, "Shhhhh!"  
  
Dracula heard it now too....footsteps coming towards them.  
  
"Quick!" hissed Vladislaus 1, "Hide!"  
  
Vladislaus 13 entered his room, a grin plastered on his face. He looked over to his science project.  
  
"Right where I left you." he sighed.  
  
From the other side of the room inside the closet Dracula muttered, "He's talking to his science project? What a freak!"  
  
This act was greeted by a large kick from Vladislaus 1.  
  
Vladislaus 13's attention was then drawn to his coffin. The lid was lying beside it and the picture that was usually kept under his pillow was lying at his feet.  
  
"Not where I left you," he muttered, confusion and the tiniest bit of fear lacing his voice.  
  
Meanwhile, inside the closet, the father and son were praying to the Devil that soon Vladislaus 13 would leave.  
  
Their prayers were answered when, Vladislaus 13, realizing what had happened, fled from the room to try and catch the culprit who had discovered his beloved Alexia.  
  
As soon as he had left the room the other two tumbled out of the closet. Dracula picked himself up quickly and said frantically, "He is not supposed to have a girlfriend! He is not allowed to have a steady girlfriend, not before you at any rate!"  
  
Vladislaus said to himself, "Who says I don't?" before answering his father.  
  
"You really have been living in the dark, haven't you? Because I can tell you this, Vladislaus 13 is defiantly a lady's man!"  
  
A.N. We think that Vladislaus 13 and Alexia are soooo cute!!! Ugh! Did we really just say that? If there is anyone out there called Alexia Goodheart, we would really love to hear from you! Thorney & Sweetdeath04 


	6. Meat the Vampire

Disclaimer: We are broke and we are making no money. Van Helsing is property Universal Studios. All Teams, players and Euro 2004 belong to UEFA. Depressing isn't it?  
  
Meat the Vampire  
  
It took Dracula a week to get over the shock of Vladislaus 13 having a girlfriend before Vladislaus 1. Eventually, though, he managed to recover enough to confront his son.  
  
In a nutshell, all that he really yelled was, "YOU ARE FORBIDDEN TO SEE HER!!! HOW DARE YOU GET A GIRLFRIEND BEFORE VLADISLAUS 1!!!" This was repeated several hundred times, until Dracula had to take a breath. It was here that Vladislaus 13 managed to get in a word.  
  
"What do you mean, 'before Vladislaus 1'?"  
  
"The oldest, or most important, should always start dating first! And I won't allow Vladislaus 1 to start dating for another five years at least!"  
  
"What are you talking about? Vladislaus 1 already has a girlfriend! Her name is Blake! He's been going out with her for nearly two years!"  
  
Dracula didn't say anything. He just looked astounded at his son.  
  
"Yeah," continued Vladislaus 13. "Most of us have a girlfriend or a boyfriend. Vladislaus 3224 has a really great relationship going on at the moment!"  
  
Dracula found his voice after hearing this. "But he's in KINDERGARTEN!!!" he shrieked.  
  
"So?"  
  
"People are marrying young these days." A new voice entered the conversation. Vladislaus 1 had yet again made his father jump by coming up behind him.  
  
"Father, do you have a nervous twitch or something, because you jump every time I speak?"  
  
Dracula growled in response. "You're not one to be mouthing off! Do you want to tell me more about this Blake girl?"  
  
Vladislaus 1 turned to his younger brother, grinning broadly and showing the remainders of his last meal. He pointed at his brother and made a movement as to show a stake being put through his heart.  
  
Vladislaus 13 whimpered and fled from the room.  
  
"NO! You come back here!" Both Dracula and Vladislaus 1 yelled in exactly the same tone, but only one took action. Vladislaus 1 sprinted after his brother, a look of increasing madness on his face.  
  
Dracula might have followed, but instead he sat down and shook his head saying,  
  
"I am really getting too old for this!"  
  
He couldn't believe he had agreed to it. Alexia and Blake were due any minute. What exactly he had agreed to was a huge dinner party. Most of the guests were his own children.  
  
Alexia was first to arrive. She was wearing clothes that wouldn't have made her look out of place among the contestants of a Wimbledon match.  
  
"Alexia Goodheart at your service," she said with a curtsey. She held out her hand. Dracula looked at it and blinked. Alexia looked up.  
  
"Okkkk!" she said, drawing back her hand.  
  
Dracula was saved from anymore embarrassment by Vladislaus 13 who came and offered his arm to his girlfriend.  
  
"Oh Vladislaus!" She squealed in delight. "You're such a gentleman!"  
  
As they passed, Vladislaus 13 winked at his father. At that, Dracula rushed to the nearest bathroom and was violently sick.  
  
He retuned much paler than usual to find Blake Nightshade walking through the front door without knocking or ringing the doorbell.  
  
"You're late," he said, looking down at the girl. She was wearing a black hooded sweater with a skull and crossbones across the front. Her trousers, Dracula decided, were not fit for public viewing, as they were incredibly baggy and covered in silver zips, studs, chains and buckles. Her hair was black with purple streaks in it and her face was whiter than was natural for a vampire due to all the white makeup. She also had on dark purple lipstick and eye shadow. Black mascara covered her eyelashes.  
  
"Actually, I'm fashionably late," she said with a slight drawl to her voice. It was then he noticed the piercing through her tongue.  
  
Vladislaus 1 slid down the banister, coming to a halt beside Blake. Imitating Vladislaus 13, he held out his arm for her.  
  
In response she smacked him around the back of the head, hard. She then said,  
  
"Don't be such a fancy-pants, you great dumb ass!"  
  
"Alright," he said sheepishly, "The dining hall is this way." Blake strode forward, with Vladislaus 1 following like a love sick puppy.  
  
When they were almost out of ear shot, Dracula could have sworn he heard Blake say,  
  
"So who's the freak at the door? Some kinda' servant?"  
  
A.N. We would also like to hear from anyone called Blake. We hope you enjoyed this rather dead end chapter, but we needed to introduce another two characters. Sweetdeath04 & Thorney 


	7. Dining with Daddy

Disclaimer: We are broke and we are making no money. Van Helsing is property Universal Studios. All Teams, players and Euro 2004 belong to UEFA. Depressing isn't it? We also don't own the Pizza Hut  
  
Dining with Daddy  
  
Once everybody had taken their seats at the very, very, long table the food was served. Any mortal human who attempted to eat it would have died so quickly they wouldn't even have had time to insult Dracula's cooking.   
  
Yes, Dracula had tried, (and failed) to cook for the nights events.  
  
He had also been very careful about the seating arrangements in the hall. He was sitting at the head of the table with the girls, so he could keep an eye on them, while Vladislaus 1 and Vladislaus 13 were sitting all the way at the other end.  
  
He had tried to engage them in a civil conversation, but had failed dismally when Blake took the first taste of her meal, and spat it back out!  
  
Needless to say, Dracula was rather insulted. Before he could say anything to her, she said, "You should fire the person who cooked this! It's awful!" She washed her mouth with the blood that had been provided.  
  
At the other end of the table, the boys weren't fairing much better. All the vampires in the hall had eaten some pretty disgusting things, in the short time they had been alive/dead but it was nothing compared to this!  
  
When Blake had tried everything within reach of her, she found it all to be disgusting, she called down the table,  
  
"Oi! Vlad!"   
  
About 3000 different vampires turned their heads to look at her. She stared back, shocked, "Umm, never mind," she stammered, then she turned to Alexia, "I was just going to ask him to pass the blood biscuits!"   
  
"Vladislaus! Sweetheart!" Alexia cried down towards her boyfriend. All Vladislaus's cringed, apart from one, Vladislaus 13, "Could you please pass the blood biscuits down the table, darling?"  
  
"Of course, my glittering moonlight!" he was completely star struck. The young vampires all began to fake vomit behind their chairs.  
  
It took a while for the biscuits to reach Blake but when they did, they tasted as bad as everything else.  
  
Dracula had to leave the room for a few minutes to calm down after almost yelling at   
  
Blake. It was then he noticed the telephone.  
  
He had never used this object before, and didn't want to now, but his son's glares as he left the room shocked and, although he hated to admit it, scared him too.  
  
His phone was suppose to be a mobile phone, but it was too big to carry around. It was, in fact, the size of a small coffee table. Using his vampire abilities, which thankfully included the strength of twenty mortal men, he heaved his mobile off table and attempted to use it.   
  
After several tries, he managed to type in the correct number for the vampire's version of The Pizza Hut.  
  
"Hello, and welcome to your local Pizza Hut," said the overly cheerful recording, in an American accent, "Please state your order after the beep……BEEP!"   
  
"Just give me everything you got!" groaned Dracula.  
  
"OK, would you like fries with that?"  
  
"Whatever."  
  
"Please leave an address after the beep…..BEEP!"  
  
"Castle Dracula…….Transylvania……Just look to your left, it's the really big and sinister looking castle, you can't miss it."  
  
"Thank you for shopping at Pizza Hut. If your pizza isn't delivered in three minutes it's free!"  
  
Then the door bell rang, "Who the hell could that be?" Dracula asked himself quietly.  
  
He went to answer the door, and was shocked to see, well, no one! Instead there was a huge pile of pizza boxes. Talking pizza boxes.  
  
In a really squeaky voice the pizza boxes said, "That'll be one-thousand and two euros, please!" A hand appeared out between the piled high boxes.  
  
Dracula face changed. It became longer, paler and uglier. His gums shrank and his teeth became longer and pointed.   
  
He jumped around the boxes and roared at the pizza boy, who screamed very shrilly and dived into the delivery van. He switched the engine on and it took off into the sky over the mountains.   
  
"Talkative little fellow," said Dracula as he carried the Pizza inside.  
  
"OK, OK, OK! GRUBS UP! WE HAVE PIZZA!!! Um…….hello?"  
  
No body had answered Dracula.  
  
Finally Vladislaus 1 stuck his head around the door of the sitting room, "Hey Dad, Oh….." he spied the pizza boxes, "We aren't hungry anymore!"  
  
With that he withdrew his head.  
  
Dracula then walked into the deserted dining room and started to eat all the pizza, all alone.  
  
A.N AWWWWW! We feel so, so, so sorry for Dracula in this chapter. We know it's short but we're bored with writing this one so we'll update as soon as we can, but Thorney's leaving the country so it might be a while! Reason why we haven't updated sooner was that Sweetdeath was out of the country! Hurray for the holidays!!   
  
Thorney & Sweetdeath04 


	8. Of Songs and Flying Footballs

Disclaimer: We are broke and we are making no money. Van Helsing is property Universal Studios. All Teams, players and Euro 2004 belong to UEFA. Depressing isn't it? We don't own the sound of music…..THANK GOODNESS!! Don't own Star Wars, Death Star, stuff like that.  
  
Of Songs and Flying Footballs  
  
After all the pizza, Dracula stumbled into the living room. The sight that meet him was one of the weirdest things that he had ever seen.  
  
ALL his children were……..HAPPY! He cringed. This was not normal, it was not good, it was terrifying!  
  
He found Alexia to be the source of the trouble. She was teaching all the baby Vampires to sing, but not just any songs……  
  
"OK," she said in a voice that reminded Dracula of the Father-son bonding teacher, "From the top, after three…..one……..two…….three!"  
  
All the vampires bellowed,  
  
"DOE A DEAR A FEMALE DEAR, RAY A DROP OF GOLDEN SUN! ME, A NAME I CALL MY SELF, FAR A LONG, LONG WAY TO RUN! SOW, A NEEDLE PULLING TREAD, LA, A NOTE TO FOLLOW SOW! TE, A DRINK OF JAM AND BREAD, THAT WOULD BRING US BACK TO DOE!"  
  
"Very good! Very good but try to be more flowing and smooth and not as…..well…shouty."  
  
Alexia spotted Dracula at the door, "Ahhh, Vlady!"   
  
This was going to be a night of cringing he decided, "What do you want?" he growled.  
  
"Come sing with us!" she danced around him for a while, finally coming to a halt in front of him, an enthusiastic grin on her face.  
  
Dracula stared back, looking like a frightened two year old. Before Blake and Alexia knew what was happening they had both been chucked out the door and were sitting on the cold stone step outside Castle Dracula.  
  
"……..and stay away from my children!" Dracula screamed and slammed the huge door closed.  
  
Dracula stormed off towards his coffin in total shock. What kind of girls had his sons fallen in love with?!?!  
  
He sat on his coffin pondering this over in his mind when Vladislaus 13 entered the room.  
  
"Hey! Do you know where Alexia is?" he didn't give his father time to reply. "Well, anyway! I wanted to show you this!" He held out his science project.  
  
"You wanted to show me a metal football?" Dracula stared at his son incredulously. "What has Euro 2004 done to you all!?!?" he groaned into his hands.   
  
"This ain't a football! It's the Death Star, silly!"   
  
Though Dracula liked the word 'Death' in the name, he still didn't understand what was so special about this metal sphere.  
  
"The Death Star!" repeated Vladislaus 13. "Haven't you ever seen Star Wars?" When his father didn't answer he brushed the matter aside.  
  
"Look! It really works!" Vladislaus set the Death Star on the table beside Dracula's coffin. Pulling a remote control out of his cloak he hit the big red button marked 'TERMINATE'.  
  
Dracula only just managed to dive out of the way of the blast of green light that issued from the model Death Star.  
  
When the green light faded all that was to be seen was the smouldering remains of Dracula's coffin.   
  
Vladislaus 13 looked up sheepishly at his father and, after looking from side to side he said, "Ummm… Vladislaus 1 did it! Yeah! That's what happened!"  
  
"GET OUT!!!" Dracula screamed and kicked the metal 'football' at his son who only just managed to catch it and run out of the room as fast as his legs would carry him, leaving Dracula with a very sore toe.  
  
That Death Star had been heavier than he first imagined.  
  
Meanwhile, on the other side of the door Vladislaus 13 said to himself, "Why didn't they just hire my dad to destroy the Death Star?" he paused and after a moment he said, "Stupid Rebel Alliance!" With that, he walked back to his chambers to repair the damage his father had caused.  
  
A.N. Sorry about the Star Wars references but we are going through a Star Wars mania stage. We promise that it will no longer appear in this fic! Promise to update as soon as possible!  
  
Sweetdeath04 & Thorney 


	9. Driving him up the Walls

Disclaimer: We are broke and we are making no money. Van Helsing is property Universal Studios. All Teams, players and Euro 2004 belong to UEFA. Depressing isn't it?  
  
Driving Him Up The Walls  
  
Vladislaus 1 was knackered. He had spent most of the evening being yelled at and bossed about by Blake. After he had found out that she had been quite literally thrown out by his father, he had spent the rest of the evening yelling at him and attempting to boss him about.  
  
Now all he wanted to do was go to his coffin and sleep all the way through the day.  
  
He entered his room and found one thing amiss. His coffin.  
  
On the other side of the castle, Dracula was trying to squeeze into a coffin that had previously been owned by his eldest son.  
  
..........  
  
"NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!!!!!" Dracula yelled at Verona 136. "You do it like this!"  
  
With that, he placed a foot on a wall and strode up it. He looked down at his daughter and beckoned her up to him.  
  
Verona 136 was in tears. "Daddy!" she whined, "I can't do it!" She placed her own foot on the wall, took a wobbly step forward, and fell on her touché.  
  
Dracula rolled his eyes and swooped down. He was only doing this to try and distracted his children from Alexia.  
  
Ever since he had woke up the evening after the dinner party, it had been Alexia this and Alexia that:  
  
"Daddy, when's that Alexia coming back?"  
  
"You know that Alexia, Daddy? She was really nice. She taught us a cool song!"  
  
Even some of the very young children who were only learning to speak were obsessed with her! Many of their first words had been:  
  
"Alexia!"  
  
It was driving Dracula up the walls. This was what had given him the idea of teaching his children how to walk up walls. It was in the ability of a vampire to walk up any surface, but the kids !!!  
  
"You know daddy," muttered Verona 136, "Alexia was much nicer than you are."  
  
Then Dracula tried something he'd never tried in his life or death.......he tried being nice! It was an act of desperate jealousy.  
  
"There, there," he said soothingly, patting her head and cradling her in his arms, "I won't let you fall."  
  
Her crying ceased to a small sniffle. He took her hand and led her up the wall, going as slowly as he could so she could keep up.  
  
"Do you want to try it for yourself?" he said quietly in her ear when they were half way up. When she nodded he let go, "I'm right behind you. Go steady and grab onto me if you're going to fall."  
  
The young Vampire took a few steps forward and Dracula followed. Verona 136 looked down and whispered, "Daddy, I'm scared."  
  
"It's alright Sweetheart, I've got you."  
  
"Hey Dad.....Vlady!" Vladislaus 13 jogged into the room and ran up the wall to meet them. Verona 136 stared at him.  
  
"Can I go to Alexia's?"  
  
Dracula froze and he saw darkness around the edges of his eyes. He tumbled twenty feet down.......he was out cold.  
  
Vladislaus 13 picked up his little sister so she wouldn't fall and took her down. Then he had a quick look at his father. It was as he had expected, Dracula had fainted.  
  
Vladislaus bent down and looked his sister straight it the eye, "Don't tell dad, but I'm going to Alexia's."  
  
Meanwhile all the other baby Vampires that were watching and waiting for their turn, crowded around their father and began poking him to see if he was really.....truly....properly.....dead.  
  
Then from the front of the crowd, Marishka 185 said, "And I thought I was bad!"  
  
A.N We quite like this chapter.....it's different.....maybe it's them walking up the walls.....or maybe it's Dracula being nice. We have planned this chapter for a long time.........SO YOU'D BETTER LIKE IT!!!!"  
  
Sweetdeath04 & Thorney 


	10. Juvinile Delinquent

Disclaimer: We are broke and we are making no money. Van Helsing is property Universal Studios. All Teams, players and Euro 2004 belong to UEFA. Depressing isn't it? And we don't own worms 3D, see if you can spot the reference.

Juvenile Delinquent 

Dracula woke up hours later in the completely deserted room. The first thought that passed through his head was 'something is wrong'. The second was 'who am I?'

The memories started coming back to him... slowly... slowly...slowly...

He remembered his name, the names of his Brides and the names of wonderful, darling children!

Of course not all memories came back and the brain had to fill in the blanks... with stuff that never happened...

He remembered teaching all his children how to hunt... FAKE!!!

He remembered reading to the kids just before sunrise... LIES!!!

He remembered showing them how to walk up walls... TRUTH, TRUTH, TRUTH!!!

And he remembered that he was going to teach them all how to play a musical instrument... Well, it would be TRUTH soon enough...

With that, he sprang to his feet. It was still dark outside so he went down to the nearest music store and bought two thousand string instruments, two thousand brass instruments, two thousand woodwind instruments, two thousand percussion, and two thousand pianos.

Let's just say he had a hard time getting it all back to the castle, with all two thousand grand pianos.

The next evening the children woke up to an unhappy surprise. The instrument their father had chosen for them was sitting at the end of the bed, yes even the pianos.

They had all rushed to Dracula to complain but he simply ignored them and told them to go and practice.

"It's not fair," muttered Vladislaus 13, as he walked away with his French horn.

But there was one person Dracula couldn't get to play his instrument.

"But it's a beautiful violin!" protested Dracula.

"It's," Vladislaus 1 held the violin away from him, "_PINK!!_"

"Well it's all they had left!"

"Why couldn't you at least give me a blue one, like Marishka 728?"

"Because blue's her favourite colour!"

"No it's not, its pink!"

"Don't lie Vlady!" the young vampire cringed at the nickname his brother had christened his father. Dracula leaned forward and whispered into his son's ear, "Besides, I know pinks _your_ favourite colour!"

Vladislaus 1 growled, "It's not my favourite colour......IT'S A GIRLS COLOUR!!!"

..........

He couldn't believe it. His father had sent him to a military school.... A_ girls _military school.

There was a huge line of girls in a huge hall and a very fat female officer was shouting instructions.

"ABOUT TURN! QUICK MARCH! AT EASE!"

Everyone was wearing camouflage clothes and because it was a girls school, there wasn't a boys uniform and Vladislaus 1 had to wear the girls clothes.

Right now he was wearing trousers, which wasn't so bad.

But there was a formal uniform.

It consisted of a white blouse, red tie, a navy blazer, with the school emblem on it and a navy, knee length, _SKIRT!_

"So," Vladislaus 1 muttered to the girl on his right, she was tall and dark and blowing bubblegum, "What did you do to get put in here?"

She turned her head toward him, "Blew up a post box."

He gulped. The girl behind him whispered in his ear, "I was put in here for being too cheerful and happy all the time!" he could almost hear her jumping around instead of marching, "FLOWERS! TEDDYBEARS! FAIRYCAKES!"

Vladislaus 1 shuddered involuntary. "What about you?" The girl on his right swivelled to face him, and said dreamily, "I packed my ex-boyfriend full of explosives," Vladislaus 1's mouth dropped open, "Then I threw him in the fire. The whole castle exploded but that's not my problem."

Vladislaus 1 edged away from the girl.

"You afraid of me kid?"

He wisely chose not to answer but stared at his marching feet instead.

"AT EASE!" shouted the instructor. Vladislaus had not been paying attention, so when all the girls stopped in a nice, neat line, he kept walking, in fact he walked right into the instructor.

"Head up, boy! On the floor and give me twenty!"

"What?" Vladislaus 1 looked up, bewildered.

"YOU WILL ADDRESS ME AS YOUR SUPIRIOR! ON THE FLOOR AND GIVE ME TWENTY PUSH UPS **_NOW_**!!!"

"But you're so fat you couldn't do push ups, so why should we?" mumbled Vladislaus without thinking.

The instructors rage was so obvious that even Dracula would have spotted it!

"Well look who joined the army! Privet Stupid!"

Later that night Vladislaus found himself forced to do one hundred push ups and then clean out the toilet.

He had a feeling that he wasn't going to like it here.

..........

Back in Castle Dracula the vampire of the house was feeling quite pleased with himself. He had thought it a suitable punishment for the boy to go to a female school to find his feminine side.

He laughed to himself. His son stuck in that old school with all those girls!

Wait a second.

One boy, one hundred and ninety-nine girls...

Stuck in a boarding military school...

"**_AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"_**

Dracula screamed and he screamed and he screamed!

He was too young to be a Granddad!

With that, he flew out the window to retrieve his son.

..........

"It's so good to be home!" cried Vladislaus 1 when he entered the castle.

Dracula flopped down on a chair.

"Sure. Yeah. _Right."_

**A.N. **_We know it's been a while but there's been a lot of problems with holidays._

_We have discovered that we like pink things and blowing things up... even though we really despise pink!_

_If you didn't know that you can get coloured violins... well, Sweetdeath04 has a purple one!_

_Please R & R!_

_**Sweetdeath04 & Thorney**_


	11. Stood Up

Disclaimer: We are broke and we are making no money. Van Helsing is property Universal Studios. All Teams, players and Euro 2004 belong to UEFA. Depressing isn't it?

Stood up

Vladislaus 13 walked dejectedly down the corridor. He had supposed to be meeting Alexia again, but this time she hadn't turned up.

It was probable that he had been ditched for another guy. Vladislaus had no idea how close he was to the truth, or how disturbing that truth would be when it was revealed.

Boys were supposed to go to their fathers when girl trouble arose, and that's what he intended to do, though somewhat reluctantly.

But as he approached his father's chamber, he heard giggling.

Wait a second! _Giggling?_

Maybe his mother was home! Fat chance, well he could always hope.

But then, he pricked up his ears. He knew that voice. It was......ALEXIA!!!!! And Blake!!!

Vladislaus ran at the door, and started pounding on it with all the dignity he could manage.

"Alexia!! I know you're in there! Open up!"

And they did just that. However Vladislaus 13 hadn't been expecting it, and fell flat on his face.

When he looked up, a disturbing sight met his eyes.

His father was standing in pink pyjamas looking down on him. And not only was he pink......he was blond.

Vladislaus had to try very hard not to scream. He was scared, even more scared than he had be when he found his father trying on his mother's lipstick!

He had just had time to register this horrific scene and realise that there was only one thing worse and more humiliating than being stood up. That one thing was being stood up, for your father, when several pairs of hands reached out to grab him and draw him in to the evil, pink and fluffy side.

He jumped up and pulled himself free of their grasp and yelled, "NO! YOU WILL _NEVER _TAKE ME ALIVE!!!"

He stood in his heroic position, and everyone stared. Then in one voice they all replied, "But you're not alive!"

Vladislaus looked around them, there was Blake in her black pyjamas with the skull and crossbones and was carrying a teddy bear that was missing its head, two other girls he didn't recognise, and, he almost cried, Alexia, his dear Alexia cradling some hair straightening utensils. They were all standing in the middle of the room with their sleeping bags, magazines, a mountain of junk food, pictures of famous boys (Brad Pitt, Justin Timberlake, and Orlando Bloom, are just some examples to prove how mentally deranged these people were), a pile of chick flick movies, stuffed toys, make up, mobile phones (even Dracula's was there though it took up most of the room), Love Song CD's, the rest of the things that occupied the room were of such a grotesque horror that Vladislaus couldn't bear to look upon them.

"Come and join us," they said together in a Zombie like fashion.

"What are you doing here?" he asked his voice trembling.

There was a long pause and then.............. "SLUMBER PARTY!!!!!!!" the girls and Dracula yelled, jumping up and down and falling onto a pile of cushions.

"**_AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"_**

Vladislaus 13 didn't know where he was running. All he knew was that he was running. Running as far away from those demons as possible.

Finally, out of breath, he came to a halt outside a door.

His mother was gone, his father was deranged and his girlfriend had left him. There was only one person who he could turn to in his hour of need.

He knocked three times on the door.

"Come in!" a voice said.

Vladislaus 13 walked slowly into the room and closed the door behind him. "I need your help," he said almost nervously to the back of a chair.

When the chair spun around, he wouldn't have been surprised to find a white Persian cat on the knee of its occupant.

"What could you possibly want from me?"

A.N. During writing this we were listening to Franz Ferdinand; Michael, which might explain why Dracula looks so gay in this chapter.

As for the Evil, Pink and Fluffy side, Sweetdeath04, Thorney and our friends, Here comes the Hockey-Puck and Rosy-Posy-Pudding and Pie wage a constant war against the_ agents_ of the Pink and Fluffy side. Even though Sweetdeath04 is wearing pink right now.

We wage our war as Sweetdeath04 practices Karate, as did Here comes the Hockey-Puck, and Thorney and Rosy-Posy practice Jujitsu. If only we knew Kung Fu.........

**_Thorney and Sweetdeath04 _**


	12. Sanity vs Insanity

Disclaimer: We are broke and we are making no money. Van Helsing is property Universal Studios. All Teams, players and Euro 2004 belong to UEFA. Depressing isn't it?

**Sanity Vs Insanity **

"Hey! What are you doing there?" Vladislaus 13 asked his little sister, Marishka 5385.

"Just playing," she said very innocently, "I like the spinny chair."

"Where's Vlad?"

"Which one?"

"One! Where is Vladislaus 1!?!?" Vladislaus 13 screamed at her.

"You're mean to me!" she said and pouted.

"Hey! I told you not to use the chair without adult supervision! You could get hurt!" Vladislaus 1 had walked into the room. Suddenly he dropped the nice act, "NOW CLEAR OFF!!!"

Marishka screamed and ran off out the door, waving her arms above her head.

"You too!" Vladislaus 1 said to Vladislaus 13.

"We have a problem. A big problem!" Vladislaus 13 said, "Dad has gone insane! As we speak he is having a slumber party with Alexia, two other girls and BLAKE!!!"

Vladislaus 1 stared at him for a moment and then started to laugh. It was his father's laugh, "For a minute there you almost had me convinced! Alexia and two other girls, maybe. But not Blake!"

"Yes! Blake's there too! I'll prove it if I have too!"

"Go on," said Vladislaus 1 smugly. "Try and prove it, I don't think you can!"

.......... ......... ........... .......... .......... . ............ ............. ...........

"Okay, you proved it!" Vladislaus 1 exclaimed, slumping back in the chair. His brother and he had been eavesdropping outside the room where the slumber party was being held, and Vladislaus 1 had been very freaked out.

He hadn't heard the actual words they were saying, but he recognized Blake's laughs and his father's laughs too.

"What the hell are we going to do?" Vladislaus 13 asked as they pressed their ears to the door, "I think it was that whack on the head. You know when he was teaching the young ones to walk up the walls? It was only after that that he tried to make us learn musical instruments and he sent you to military school......

How'd that go by the way?"

Vladislaus 1 grimaced, "Let's just say, loads of girls, really fat instructors and cleaning toilets don't go well together."

"Got it. What do you think they're planning?"

"Are they planning anything?"

"Oh yeah! Girls always plan evil things when they get together. Whether it be kidnapping innocent males and giving them a makeover or locking us all in cage and poking us with that cattle prod Igor has......."

............ .......... .......... .......... .......... .......... .......... ...........

"I don't believe it! How did you know? How could they?"

For Vladislaus 13 prediction had been right. Dracula had convinced the girls to round up every single one of Dracula's children. Now they were ALL locked in ONE of the cages that had previously been used to hold werewolves.

Every girl had been supplied with one of Igor's trusty cattle prods. Dracula had stolen them after convincing the deformed assistant to leave them behind when he went on his annual holiday to visit his mother in New York.

"Are you sure they like this?" asked Blake uncertainly, looking at the bawling children that filled the cage.

"Yes, yes." said Dracula with a bit on a manic laugh. He danced around a bit and poked his children through the bars with his cattle prod, "Yes we're teaching them a little discipline! They won't be barging in on any of our parties any time soon!"

"That's right!" yelled Alexia.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the room, our heroes, (Vladislaus 1 and Vladislaus 13, Oh no, if they're our heroes we are all doomed), were hiding behind the sofa.

"We need to get out of here," said Vladislaus, "when they start attacking the kids we'll make a run for it. We need to call..........someone!"

"Wait for it....." Vladislaus 13 watched his father. Dracula suddenly dived, sticking the cattle prod into Verona 345. She let out a yell that shook the ceiling and then started to cry louder than before. This worked out perfectly for our 'heroes' who took the opportunity to escape through the door.

"Quick!" Vladislaus 1 hissed, "Back to my room. We'll use my mobile!"

They legged it all the way back to the other side of the castle, looking around corners incase the enemy should be coming that way.

When they finally reached the sanctuary of Vladislaus 1's room, both were out of breath and paranoid.

"Okay," gasped Vladislaus 13, "Who shall we ring?"

"Vampire Child Line," responded Vladislaus 1 immediately. His mobile was a lot more up to date than Dracula's. It had polyphonic ringtones, a voice recorder, a colour screen and a camera. He was very proud of it.

He dialed the number.

"_Hello! Welcome the Vampire Child Line. Please follow the instructions for a better death free from pain and destruction. If you are abused by a long pointy stick, please press one."_

"Vlad!" hissed Vladislaus 1, "Does a cattle prod count as a long pointy stick?"

"No!" Vladislaus 13 replied quietly. "It should say cattle prod!"

"_If you are being by a saucepan, please press two!" _

And so it went on, until eventually,

"_If you are being locked in a cage and poked with a cattle prod by your mentally deranged father and, by this time, your ex-girlfriend, please press-"_

Vladislaus 13 sneezed, and the sound of it drowned out the numbers that Vlaislaus 1 was supposed to press.

"You idiot!!!" he screamed. "We've been waiting for almost half an hour for-" Vladislaus 1 stopped his screaming when voices were heard just outside the door.

"What's going on in here?"

"Alexia!" Vladislaus 13 had fear in his voice as he said the girl's name, "and Blake!"

"Just go in you stupid scally!"

Alexia suddenly appeared through the door after being pushed by Blake, but the room was deserted.

"Don't you dare call me a scally!" Alexia spat at Blake, as she too walked through the door, "We have been sent to find the two missing and we aren't allowed to stall by insulting each other!"

"I'll insult you whenever I like!" Blake whispered menacingly, "Anyway, they're not here, so let's go."

With that, the two girls departed still throwing insults at each other when ever possible.

As soon as they had shut the door behind them, the two boys dropped down from the ceiling.

"I'm so glad I got the hang of that walking up walls thing!" they said together.

For a moment they stood there stunned. That had never happened before.

"You know, you're not so bad for a brother." Vladislaus 13 said awkwardly.

Vladislaus 1 grinned, "We're the blood brothers. C'mon let's go find Mum, Auntie Verona and Auntie Marishka. They're the only ones who can help us now."

And with that they took off and flew out the window into the night sky.

**A.N** _Just the epilogue to do! But you aren't going to get it until All Hallows Eve! That was our deadline and we think that it is very fitting for it to end then! We have written it and we will get it to you by then._

_This chapter is dedicated to **L.H** who loves sharp pointy sticks and cattle prods. It was her favourite bit in the entire film, was when Igor chased Carl over the bridge with the cattle prod!_

_**Thorney and Sweetdeath04 **_


	13. Epilogue

Disclaimer: We are broke and we are making no money. Van Helsing is property Universal Studios. All Teams, players and Euro 2004 belong to UEFA. Depressing isn't it?

**Epilogue **

"Um. Excuse me. Would you be Mr. Dracula?"

Dracula turned to face the pale policeman.

"No!" he said quickly, and then he pointed to Alexia, "She is!"

"Um. I'm sorry Sir," the policeman had a VERY boring voice that drilled into people's heads, "that would appear to be a young innocent little girl, Sir. Run along now, young innocent little girl."

Alexia didn't need telling twice. All four girls left the building at once. And they never again returned there.

"Sir, would you please come with us down to the station?" the boring police officer said, "We want to talk to you. We've been getting reports about child abuse. Have you been bullying your children?"

Dracula hastily hid the cattle prod behind his back, "Children? What children?

.......... .......... .......... .......... ......... .......... .......... ..........

Dracula sat on the wooden bench in his jail cell. Who could possibly have ratted on him? It wasn't as if he was going to hurt his kids.........Much.

A guard came into sight, and banged on the cell bars with his baton, "Visitors."

"Ahhh!" Dracula leaped up and scrambled over as far as the bars would let him, "My Brides!"

"Hello Vlady Baby!"

Aleera, Verona and Marishka had just waked in, followed closely by Vladislaus 1 and Vladislaus 13.

"How was the world Cup?" Dracula asked trying to sound innocent.

All three brides blanched, "IT WAS EURO 2004!" they yelled, changing their faces into their vampire forms. It was only then that Dracula noticed that they were all wearing blue and white....not the colours of the teams they had originally been supporting.

"Hey weren't you supporting Portugal?" he asked Aleera, "And England?" he questioned Verona who looked blankly back at him, "And.......Czech Republic?" Marishka shook her head.

All of them spoke together, "We have always been supporting Greece!"

"How did they do?"

"They won of course!" but their grins had an evil look about them.

"So you're going to get me out of here right?" Dracula asked, his voice shaking as his eyes darted from one side of the cell to the other, "Right?"

"Well, we would......" Marishka trailed off.

"But...." said Verona, "we're going to the Olympics!"

Suddenly they all brought out Chinese flags, "This time we're supporting China."

"Please tell me this is a bad dream!"

"Nope! We're going with some guys we.....um......met in Greece." Verona explained.

"You're all...." He had nothing to say to them anymore.

"And we're taking you to court!" Aleera smiled, "And suing you for every thing you've got!"

Dracula wasn't worried about this. He was more worried about what the brides would do to him after he left court.

"And we're going to get you locked up," Marishka added sweetly.

That worried Dracula.

"I'll file for divorce!" he warned.

"You can't file for divorce! In the eyes of the Devil, we're not even married!" cackled Aleera. "By the way, this time we're leaving behind a babysitter! She used to be a Father and Son therapist. She's got a wonderful musical voice! We were thinking of sending you and Vladislaus 13 there for lessons, but she quit."

Dracula's mouth dropped open, he managed to stutter out, "Been there. Done that. Got the T Shirt. Didn't fit."

Suddenly, the door into the detention area burst open and three vampires came in. He recognised them as Angleos Charisteas, Angleos Basinas and Traianos Dellas.

Aleera bent down and kissed her sons on their foreheads and said, "Bye darlings!"

"Bye Mom," they said, rather shyly.

"Bye Vlady Baby!" the Brides said, running out the door cackling with laughter. "See you soon.... Or not so soon!"

As soon as the women had left, Dracula turned to his sons, "How did you convince them?" he growled at them.

"With these!" Vladislaus 1 pulled out his phone and started flicking through the pictures, "It's amazing what you can do with a picture phone and a colour printer!"

They were all pictures of Dracula, the cage, the cattle prod and Dracula using the cage and cattle prod.

"This will never hold up in court!" he glared at his sons through the bars.

"Oh I don't know about that," said Vladislaus 13 slyly, "anyway we'd better go. We'll see you _if_ you get out of prison!"

"Bye Daddy!" the Blood Brothers said and they waved at him before they took off and left Dracula all alone.

It was here in his cold and lonely cell that Dracula finally came back to his senses. He realized one thing.

With a lot of money, a good lawyer and a corrupted jury, a vampire could do anything.

**A.N.** _The End! Ta da! We're quite sad that this is finished but we can now concentrate all our efforts on a new baby fic, 'Sabacc'. We have nothing more to say. Except thank you to all who have reviewed, you're wonderful. We couldn't have done it without you._

_Happy Halloween!!!!_

**_Sweetdeath04 and Thorney. _**


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